Stop blaming me for your problems

So tired of fighting with my mother. I swear, I can't wait to move out, whenever that may be. I'm tired of her fucking bullshit. It's ridiculous. I try to keep my cool and not fight with her, but she pushes my buttons, damnit! Just because she is having trouble with money doesn't mean it's my fault. Yes, I live with her. But I pay my half on everything. She gets mad when I have $100.00 left out of my check. But what she just can't seem to realize is I have to pay for my gas for work. That $100.00 is for gas/cigs/food for throughout the week. Not like I'm spending it on whatever I want. Of course, my answer is still not good enough as to why she has no money. Just one more thing to blame me for. It's always my fault. Never hers.

I hate fighting. Fighting is bad. It's what I seen my whole childhood. I hate anger. I despise being angry. It all makes me think back to "him" and then I cower, somewhere, and cry. And feel 10 times worse. And if that isn't bad enough, mom always makes me feel bad. Especially when she cries and tells me how horrible I've treated her. Umm....EXCUSE ME?!?! I've done horribly by you..OH PLEASE! She guilt trips me and I hate it. And I am the one who always apologizes.

But what do I do about it? I tell her what bothers me but yet, it doesn't matter. It never does. I don't matter. I'm just plain and simply worthless. All I do is cause problems. Me and my attitude. Who am I to argue with someone? I should just keep my mouth shut, hold it all inside, and act like everything is peachy.

So, to my mother, I give you these: