That pic says it all. I'm not the girl I used to be. Before I started remembering and dealing with this stuff, I was an outgoing chick. I was barely home, was always with friends. I had always made sure to talk to them.
But now?!? I hardly contact my friends. I don't go out with them. My boyfriend asks why I don't. And it's simply cause I don't like going out. I have to beg and plead with my boyfriend sometimes to not go anywhere, even to just get something to eat. I like the comfort of my four walls...my bedroom.
I haven't really told my friends this yet. I feel like an awful friend. Actually, I'm a horrible friend. My friends love me to death and would do absolutely anything for me. But me? I barely contact them. It's not that I don't love them, cause I cherish them, I'm just not that outgoing chick anymore. I'm not the "me" they used to know. And I do wonder if they can accept that.
I told them things would change. I thought perhaps that I could get myself into a more outgoing person. But I can't. I don't like being in the outside world. It makes me a nervous wreck and makes me anxious. I think if I didn't have to work, I would be a complete hermit.
Life just drains me, physically and emotionally. I'm always upset about something (ranging from bills to family to work to personal stuff) and always up and helping people. I'm just not me anymore. I don't feel like me anymore. Well, the me I used to be.
I really need to discuss with them, but, I'm scared too. I don't know if they can/would accept me for who I am now. I'm a disappointment. I feel like I've disappointed them so much. They deserve so much better than me. A friend that will keep in touch, keep their word to them, be able to see them.
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